Instead of Killing Myself, I Called on Jesus!
Guest Post: A Powerful Testimony from One of our Readers
It is a very sad reality when you come to the awareness of how many dead walking people are living amongst us. I was once that dead walking woman. It was a surreal feeling, the feeling of wanting to end my life. I remember one day on a train on one of my many commutes from London, I sat there looking for exits as life had got the best of me. I daily looked at all those lifeless and mostly unhappy people packed on trains from chasing meaningless dreams. I was in a very dark place and home was no longer a place of safety, I just needed a quick escape route.
Fast forward to 2014 as i journeyed back home and couldn’t get a seat on the train due to how packed it was ‘If you’ve been on trains in London after work hours you will understand the chaos that involves commuting’. Anyway so I was stood leaning against the doors, hoping they accidentally open and hopefully I could just fall through— I romanced these thoughts wondering if anyone would try and stop me?
Anyway, I finally managed to grab a seat at one of the stops once the majority of the train passengers had disembarked. A father with a child of roughly four to five years old came and sat beside me, except there was only one seat and the little girls father decided he would stand and allow his little girl to sit. However she refused to seat telling her father she wanted to sit with me and the dad was absolutely embarrassed as he apologised. Funnily, I was the one who was embarrassed and out of guilt i complied to the little girls demands ‘Its okay she can sit with me’. The dad said ‘No i don’t want to cause you any trouble’ but the little girl insisted.
I am more convinced God is a comedian, and only He can orchestrate things the way everything happened that day. Anyway I carried the little girl on my laps and she gave me a cuddle and said “Jesus Loves you”. Okay, please understand I never went to church growing up, my parents were non-believers so this literally made me cry but i tried my best to contain my tears as my stop was coming up. She smiled and gave me another squeeze and said “My mummy says Jesus Loves you”. My stop came up and I literally handed the little girl to her dad and burst out crying as I left the little girls dad baffled with confusion and disembarked. He couldn’t even finish his ‘Are you alright?’
I went to my car and literally sat in there for an hour crying and simply blurted these words out loud “Jesus if you really love me as the little girl said, please save me from my own destruction and take away these suicidal thoughts”. I didn’t know if that was a prayer or if it would even be answered. Allow me to testify, I went to bed that night at peace and woke up the next day a renewed person. All the feelings of heaviness and suicidal thoughts were gone, i mean like vanished gone and i have never had anymore episodes and this is 2017.
I now have a relationship with Jesus and go to church every Sunday for fellowship and my life has changed immensely. I just want to encourage someone who may be dealing with the same situation; If you ever come to place where death feels easier than living (you have come to the end of yourself) where no human reasoning nor intervention can help except for divine intervention. So trust me when i say Jesus is still the answer for the world today, call on him, trust Him and see if He will not come through.
God bless you and i hope you will remain encouraged.
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